028. Sorrow

028. Sorrow

"I'm afraid Mr. Arrow has been lost," the tricorn hat of the Legacy's first mate is placed into the Captain's hands. "His lifeline was not secured."

She hears Arrow's scream.

The Captain awakens. Arrow's voice is still ringing in her ears. She shudders and rises from her cot. This is the fifth time she's woken up from a nightmare tonight. She's giving up on getting any rest.

Arrow.

He'd been the finest of spacers, the best of friends, he'd been a brother . . . and now? He's gone.

She pushes the thoughts from her mind as she turns on the light. There's no sense dwelling on it. It will only make her more upset. And she can't have that. There's still a voyage to complete! If she starts mourning the loss of Arrow, it will never end!

An hour later, the Captain is sitting at her desk, fully dressed in her uniform and filling out some paperwork. A death on a voyage calls for much paperwork indeed.

First name of Officer: Samuel. Last name of Officer: Arrow. MI: P. Time of Death: Approx. 1800 hours. Date of Death: 11 July 6012. Cause of Death: Unsecured lifeline . . .

Now, did she really believe that?

James Hawkins might be young, might be troubled, might be a bit rough around the edges, but he was a good boy. And he knew his stuff. There was a reason she asked him to ensure the lifelines were secure.

But Scroop? He didn't give off any signs of lying, but then again, he doesn't seem like the type to have any difficulties with that. She didn't like him to begin with.

And she knew that he didn't like Arrow.

Hm. Something to look into.

Cause of Death: Black hole.

Let's just leave it at that.

The time is 2:18 A.M.

There's a soft knock on the door.

Startled, the Captain looks up. It's obvious as to who it is, no one is as easy to read as the Doctor, but at this hour?

"Come in, Doctor," the Captain says, studying the door carefully.

The Doctor steps in cautiously. "Good evening--ah, morning, Captain," he greets quietly.

"Likewise. May I help you, sir?" the Captain leans back in her chair, allowing an inquisitive look to cross her features.

"Well, I was merely . . . well, you see, I happened to be on lookout tonight, and I saw that your light was on. I just wanted to be sure that you . . . well, to see if you were . . ." the Doctor seems unable to finish.

"Are you inquiring after my well-being, Doctor?" the Captain fights back a small smile.

"Well . . . I suppose after the events . . . yes, I suppose I am," the Doctor resigns, distressed that he can never voice his thoughts, but relieved the Captain seems to be able to do so for him.

The Captain looks down. Here she was trying to ignore all emotional thoughts, and here the Doctor was bringing them up. Well, it has to get done sometime.

But not now.

"Doctor, I truly appreciate your concern, but--"

"You don't need to lie to me," the Doctor interrupts.

"Excuse me?" She is this close to tossing him after Arrow.

"I mean it. Don't tell me that you're fine, because I know you're not. Mr. Arrow's death hurts me, I can only imagine what it does to you."

The Captain closes her eyes. This is too much. "I'm trying not to think about it," she admits quietly.

"You'll never get over it that way. Captain, I know this isn't exactly the same, but . . . I lost my parents when I was younger. And I can tell you, I tried to do exactly what you are trying to do now. And it wasn't until I finally sat down and thought about it and fought about it with myself that I could . . . continue with my life. The pain never fully goes away, but it's less."

The Captain never once opens her eyes. But she crosses her arms on her desk and lays her head down upon them.

She stays like that for a long time.

And she allows herself to grieve.
-----
The smell of coffee is what awakens her. She raises her head to find James already seated. The Doctor is shutting the door before coming to set down a tray with two cups of coffee.

There used to be three. On previous mornings, they would have their meetings in the stateroom and each of them (save Jim) had their cup of coffee. Two were regular with cream and two sugars. One was black. For Arrow.

But the Captain shakes her head and smiles sadly. There are only two cups. And there will only be two.

Aye, it hurts, but they must carry on, after all.

She takes her cup of coffee gratefully and is ready to begin their meeting.

Treasure Planet is waiting.